Comments on: Lending Money To Family Members

By: giving2much

giving2much — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:46:10 +0000

I think the idea of not expecting to get money back is very nice, but does not always work out in reality.
Case in point: My long-term boyfriend needed to borrow money. No one else would lend it to him. I have substantial student loans that I am working hard to pay off ASAP. I had the money to give to him in the sense that I was able to make my minimum loan payment and loan him the money- but I will need the money back so I can continue to get myself out of debt.
Should someone in debt loan to someone else? Probably not- but because my debt is well-managed and his need was urgent, I did it. Now of course he’s taking his sweet time paying it back – but I still feel he has an obligation to pay me back. I am responsible about my debt, why should I expect any less of him? Why should his needs & wants outweigh mine?
If you borrow money from friends/family and don’t pay it back, it’s ludicrous to place the blame on the lender for expecting it back in the first place- they were acting out of love, and failing to repay only betrays the lender’s love and trust.

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 00:29:04 +0000

@Bible Money Matters – The power transfer is almost immediate when you lend or borrow money. It is amazing how fast it can change your relationships.

@WG Peters – I agree that it is only a measure of last resort.

By: W G Peters

W G Peters — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:35:34 +0000

Neither a lender nor borrower be, especially to family. It causes nothing but trouble.

By: Bible Money Matters

Bible Money Matters — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 19:19:14 +0000

43% sounds about right.

Money definitely changes family dynamics and changes it into a relationship of one person being in power over another – which is never good. As you say, the best way to approach these situations is to give the money as a gift with no expectations of being repaid. Otherwise, it can turn into a nasty situation.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:47:20 +0000

Jason,

Very good point about whether their money problems are constant or this being a one time event. If they constantly have money problems, there are better ways to help them than to give them more money.

Thanks for leaving a comment!!

By: Jason @ Redeeming Riches

Jason @ Redeeming Riches — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:42:45 +0000

Wow! 43% – That’s higher than what I thought it would be.

I think you’re right that you should probably just give the money and have a loose grip on it if you can afford it.

I think you also need to consider if it is perpetual help or one time help that your family needs.

If it seems to be a persistent problem then giving them money is not going to help them long term as I talked about in my related post on this here: http://bit.ly/6feM6